Studies of the relations of the spouses have shown that in general, three types of families can be distinguished: a family, a family with differentiated relationships, a disunited family.
The golden middle here is differentiated families.
The state of close emotional closeness and dependence, complete absorption of each other (merger) is noted in the newlyweds. However, for the further development of the family, such exceptional affection may be addicted, since any person should have personal space, his interests, time, which can be devoted to itself.
At the same time, the merger should not be confused with cohesion, which implies a strong marriage with the presence of strong feelings, common interests, mutual understanding and respect.
In America and Western Europe, well -differentiated or fragmented families prevail. This is explained by the idea of individuality of the personality and the development of its achievements. Spouses, as a rule, can rest individually, do not even have a common budget, but at the same time love each other, go together to set goals, educate children, and be sexually attractive to each other. Here, of course, does not mean extreme when each member of the family lives his own life, contacts the other spouse only on children’s matinees and, in general, does not feel interest in communicating with him. If you do not find common points of contact, general hobbies, then such a pair is most likely to divorce.
A deep imprint, which is reflected in a close family merger, laid out a deep family fusion on Russian families of collectivism. So, for example, if the wife is extremely emotionally dependent on her husband and torments him with jealousy, he constantly controls his communication with friends, colleagues, relatives, then he, in turn, is offended by distrust and begins to control her behavior.
A good example of a total subordination of one spouse to another is a marriage of a foreigner with a resident of Muslim countries. As a rule, her husband has his own business, and in the person of his wife he sees only a housewife and blocks her path to finding himself in work, personal growth. For an unprepared woman, accustomed to independence, such a turn of events can be very difficult.
In Russia, the family leader, as a rule, is a wife. The spouse with such a “matriarchy” can look for self -affirmation in career growth, less often appearing at home. In families – mergers, the spouses make very high demands on each other, to refuse to fulfill the request may respond resentment. However, it should be remembered that marriage is not at all the enslavement of one person by another and not solving their problems at the expense of the spouse. A person must solve his problems himself, and not put them on the heads of the rest.
The level of tension, conflicts and the development of psychosomatic diseases is growing in families and fragmented families, cheating often occurs. In the first case, treason is the path to liberation and independence, in the second, on the contrary, – the search for mutual understanding.
Close fusion can be observed in the relationship of the mother and child. If these relationships cover the infant period, then there are no reasons for fear. However, if the “baby” is already thirty years old, then excessive maternal custody, which generates infantilism, is inappropriate. It should be remembered that the child should be accustomed to independence from childhood. If the ties of the laces, the performance of homework, cleaning the children’s room are shifted to the shoulders of the parents, then be prepared that the child will perceive it for granted, and in adulthood it will not be able to independently solve his problems. Parents naturally consider children to be their part and sometimes with great difficulty release them from their supervision and guardianship. So, for example, the mother of an adult young man may not put up with the appearance of a girl next to him, torment him with jealousy and tricks with poor well -being.
In addition, there is such a model of family relations as a coalition against the third family member.
Respect for the spouse and his interests is the key rule in any model of family relationships.